This is the time of year when psychics and other riff-raff of the mystical realms emerge from their malodorous lairs to make known their predictions of events for the coming year. I am not a psychic, but I am the proud owner of a second-hand crystal ball, into which I shall now gaze for your benefit.
My crystal ball reveals that the following people will shuffle off this mortal coil during 2011.
Aretha Franklin (1942-2011): Her silver voice stilled at last, although still available on CD. Our loss is the gain of the choir invisible.
Stephen Hawking (1942-2011): English physicist. He will finally succumb to motor neuron disease, but his radiation will go on.
Barry Ronge (?-2011): Movie critic. No more shall his fatuous features fill our telescreens, or his unctuous tones drip like rancid cooking oil from our radio loudspeakers, or his silly scribblings take up our newspaper columns. Yay.
There will be a powerful earthquake on the Pacific rim this year which will leave thousands homeless.
The year will begin and end with severe blizzards in the Northern hemisphere.
Hurricanes will ravage the Caribbean, Gulf of Mexico and the East coast of the USA in the third quarter of 2011.
My crystal ball is silent on the subject of meteor strikes or volcanic eruptions, so I presume there will be none.
New Zealand will break their world cup jinx and carry home the 2011 Rugby World Cup.
South Africa will regain the number one ranking in test cricket.
Western Province will win the Curry Cup for 2011.
I can’t seem to get anything in focus. It’s all just a blur of interchangeable figures talking incomprehensible gibberish. Therefore just more of what we had this year.
The following numbers will be drawn in the lottery during the course of the year: 3 5 8 13 21 34
We shall revisit these predictions at the end of next year to see how they stand up compared to those of the “real” psychics.
Chill out and have fun in the new year.
Grumpy Old Man by Mark Widdicombe is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 License